每日一笑
[size=2][color=blue][b]這樣子一可以看笑話,二可以學習英語,何樂而不為呢??[/b][/color]:victory: [/size][size=2][/size]
[align=center][size=3][size=2][color=darkorchid][b]The Looney Bin
疯人院
Late one night at the insane asylum ,one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"Another one said, "How do you know?"The first inmate said, "God told me!"Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"[/b][/color][/size][/align][/size] 英文啊?我还是学不了,我基础差啊. 看不懂也开心啊 看得懂了没开心，，所以我米看懂，，:victory: :victory: :victory: [align=center][font=Verdana][size=2][font=Tahoma][color=darkorchid]How much does it cost?
花多少钱?
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students,
pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be
out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to
the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be
fined $20 the first time." He continued: "Anybody caught
breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being
caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there
any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"
[/color][/font]
[color=red][b] 在上大学的第一天，院长向学生发表演说,说明一些规则: "女生的宿舍将会是所有的男生的禁区,男生宿舍对女生也是禁区。任何打破这一条规则的人第一次将会被罚款20美元。"他继续说: "任何人第二次被发现打破这条规则将会被罚款60美元.第三次被发现的将会招致180美元的重罚.有任何问题吗?" 此时,一位男生问: "那么进去3个月要花多少钱?[/b][/color][/size][/font][/align] 中英對照的啊，呵呵．．． the insane asylum －疯人院？
学了个词！ 最好能分开一些词来教大家，像你在水区那个帖一样，这样更容易学！ 不过，阅读是老师，呵呵！ 学不会啊，不过有创意的 [align=center][size=2][size=3][color=purple][b]把诱饵扔回海里[/b][/color][/size]
[color=darkorchid] A man and his wife were on a holiday. They went for a sail. Unfortunately the wife fell overboard and was drowned. The man asked the pier-master to let him know if her body was found. Two weeks later he received a wire saying: "Body recovered yesterday covered with crabs. Send instructions." The man sent a wire back saying, "Sell crabs, send the money; reset bait."[/color]
[color=sandybrown][b] 一个男人和妻子去度假。他们乘风出海，不幸的是妻子掉入海中淹死了。这个男人叫码头的负责人在妻子的尸体找到后通知他一声。二个星期后，他接到了一份电报：“尸体已于昨日找到，上边爬满了螃蟹。请指示。”男人回电报说：“卖掉螃蟹，收入汇过来；诱饵扔回海里。”[/b][/color][/size][/align] [size=2][color=Blue][b][align=center]奇怪的关系 [/align][/b][/color]
[color=Magenta] Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! [/color]
[b][color=Plum]
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"[/size][/color][/b] 加个精华撒，以后好找啊！做成长篇连续！呵呵 [align=left][size=2][color=purple][color=blue]Be Careful for What You Wish for
[/color]
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebratingtheir60th birthdays, which fell on thesameday.一对夫妇结婚已经25年了，正在一起庆祝他们的结婚纪念日和60岁生日。
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that becausetheyhad been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would givethemone wish each.正庆祝时，一位仙女从天而降说25年来他们一直相亲相爱，她将实现他们每个人一个愿望。
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy wavedherhand, and Boom! She had the tickets inherhand.妻子说想环游世界。仙女握住了她的手，只听轰的一声。妻子手中出现了各种入场券和票。
Next, it was the husbands turn. He paused for a moment, thensaidshyly, Well, Id like to have a woman 30 years youngerthanme.接着就该丈夫许愿了。他顿了一下，然后不好意思地说：“嗯，我想要一个比我年轻30岁的妻子。”
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! Hewasninety.仙女拿起魔杖，只听轰的一声！丈夫变成90岁的老翁了。[/color][/size][/align] 开心啊 :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: 精华 [size=2][align=center][color=blue]I Had to Change It Twice
不得不换两次 [/color][/align]
[color=purple]Judge: I don't understand why you broke into the same store three nights in a row. Prisoner: Well, Your Honor, I picked out a dress for my wife, and I had to change it twice because she didn't like the style. [/color]
[b][color=darkorange]法官：我真不明白你为什么连续三天夜里闯入同一家商店呢？
犯人：噢，阁下，我为我妻子挑选了一件衣服，因为她总是不喜欢衣服的样式，所以，我才不得不去换了两次。[/color][/size][/b] 好笑啊 [color=green][size=2][align=center][b]林肯过生日 [/b][/align][align=left]
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。
老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。[/size][/color][/align] 哈哈哈，继续来乐一乐！:hug: [size=2][b][align=center][color=red]Put the peach back on the tree
把桃子放回树上去。 [/color][/align][/b][/size]
[color=darkred][size=2][b]Bob: I had a rough time this morning. The farmer caught me in one of his peach trees.
Barbara: Gosh! What did you do?
Bob: I told him one of his peaches fell down and I was trying to put it back! [/b][/size][/color]
[color=darkorange][size=2][b]鲍勃：我今天早晨非常不顺。那个农民在他的一棵桃树上抓住了我。
芭巴拉：天啊！你干了些什么呀？
鲍勃：我告诉他他的一个桃子掉在地上了，我只是想把它放回去。[/b][/size][/color] 没有人啊 可以啊现在都用英文了我都落五了啊要好好学习啊 英语不好学习啊 [color=DeepSkyBlue][size=2][b]Asking a question
During the computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting behind him.
"I was just asking her a question, " the boy said.
"If you have a question, ask me," the teacher replied.
"OK," the boy answered. "Do you want to go out with me Friday night?" [/b][/size][/color]
[b][size=2][color=RoyalBlue]问问题
计算机课上，老师批评一个男生，因为他和后边的女生说话。
“我只不过问她一个问题。”男生说。
“如果你有问题，问我好了。”老师说道。
“那好吧，”这个男生说，“周五晚上你愿意和我一起出去吗？”[/color][/size][/b] 好啊
看到了啊 [color=royalblue][size=2]All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance,my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"
"I'm the people. All I do is pay." [/size]
[color=deepskyblue][b][size=2]我要做的一切就是付钱。
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就像一个国家一样。我妻子是财政部长。
我岳母是作战部长，
我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”[/size][/color][/b][/color] 来看看 啊 Who's the printer?
The professor was giving the final lecture of the term. He spoke about students work and asked them to prepare for the final examination well. He said, "The examination papers are now in the hands of the printer. Are there any questions?"
There was silence. But suddenly a voice from the rear sked, "Who is the printer?"
谁是印刷工？
教授在给学生上本学期的最后一堂课，他讲了一些关于学生的作业情况，然后要求学生好好准备期末考试。他说道，“考卷已经在印刷工手里了。还有什么问题吗？”
教室里一片寂静。突然从后排传出声音问道：“谁是印刷工呀？” [color=green][size=2]A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired. "But what\'s that in the corner?" asked Mother. "Oh, that\'s their telly," replied the tot. [/size][/color]
[color=teal][size=2][b] 圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。 他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。 “可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。 “噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。[/b][/size][/color] 哈哈哈，每天也得来这里阅读一下笑话！ [size=2]Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂贵的代价
牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？
牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。[/size] [color=royalblue][size=2]The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”[/size][/color] 今天我来一笑啊 强烈建议，把中文翻译隐藏了！回帖才能看！:time: [size=2][color=RoyalBlue]It's always me
A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!"
The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"
The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!"
The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"
The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!"
总是我
一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？”
大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？”
又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”
父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？”
大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”[/color][/size] 再来笑笑啊 [color=Red][size=2]Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。[/size][/color] [size=2][color=blue]
I Can Do Nothing.
Woman: Doctor! Doctor!
Doctor: What's wrong with you?
Woman: Please come at once. My husband is badly ill. He is having
a very bad fever.
Doctor: Well, madam, have you taken his temperature?
Woman: Oh, yes, I did. It is 63'c!
Doctor: Good heavens! I think I can do nothing for him. You'd better call the fire brigade.
无能为力
女士：医生！医生！
医生：你怎么了？
女士：请你立刻来一下，我丈夫病得很厉害，他在发高烧。
医生：嗯，太太，你给他量过体温了吗？
女士：噢，量过了，高烧63度。
医生：天啊！我想我治不了他的病，你最好叫消防队吧。[/size][/color]
[size=2][color=blue]He Wanted Two Balloons.
The boy's clothing shop was giving away balloons to customers'
children. One little fellow asked if he might have two.
"Sorry," the clerk said,"but we give only one balloon to each child. Do you have a brother at home?"
The youngster was always truthful , but he wanted another balloon badly. "No." he replied regretfully,"but my sister does, and I'd like one for him."
他想要两只气球。
儿童服装店正在向顾客的孩子们赠送气球。其中一个小男孩问是否能够得到两只气球。
“对不起，”售货员说，“我们只赠给每个孩子一只气球，你家里有弟弟吗？”
小家伙一贯很诚实，可他特别想再要一只气球。“没有”，他遗憾地说，“可我姐姐有个弟弟，我想给他要一只。”[/size][/color] [size=2][color=#008000] [/color][/size]
[align=left][size=2]Twice 5 makes 10.[/size][/align]
[size=2]Frank did not know his lesson. The teacher said to him, "If we do not know our lesson, we shall write it out ten times for tomorrow."
The next day Frank gave his task to the teacher, who said, "You only wrote your lesson five times, why?"
"Because," answered Frank, "you said, 'we shall write our lesson ten times,' so I wrote it five times myself. I thought that you would write the five other times yourself, sir!"
[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2][color=#ff0000]两个五遍就是十遍。
弗兰克不懂课本的内容，于是老师告诉他，“如果我们不懂得课文的内容，我们就要把课文抄写十遍，明天交。”
第二天，弗兰克把作业交给了老师。老师问：“你为什么只抄了五遍？”
“因为，”弗兰克回答说：“您说过‘我们要抄十遍’，所以我就抄了五遍，我想另外那五遍您会抄的。” [/color][/size]
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